The year that was

A lot has changed in my life and thankfully the changes are good. While life took a sharp turn when I made a move to the city of dreams (Mumbai) in May, I can feel the changes that have happened to me as a person. I have gone from being a nagging "nothing's happening" kind of a person to someone who can take charge and change things she doesn't like. 2011 has been a fabulous year for me. The experiences, good and bad, have created the person I would like to remain for the rest of my life.

Life saw an equal amount of ups and downs this year. While some people chose to leave my humble abode, I had to let go of the most precious person I had in life. He made his share of mistakes and so did I and there is only so much two people can do to make things work. With affection and positive vibes still alive, we decided to call it quits. It's a chapter that ended in life and a chapter I can never regret. I can never hate the man I loved so dearly for so many years, but I can't love what he has become anymore. I miss him and always will.

Wonderfully though, I am not alone in life. Just when I got "single" (in Facebook style) and there was no one beside me, my first ever best friend walked in with his arms wide open after 20 years. I am sure most people think I am making a jump from one stone to the other, but I can't deny the feelings that have developed and the commitment that has brewed in the short time that we have communicated. I am in love and very proud of it. With wedding bells around the corner, life seems to be going somewhere I am really looking forward to. Just as quickly and beautifully 2011 started, the year seems to be ending beautifully too.

In Mumbai, I have made friends, have met people who think like me and I can go back home and tell people that I am not weird like they have been claiming for so long. With a tattoo firmly in place reminding me of Her with me all the time, I am ready to take on life once again... bring it on.

Feeling closer to Her

Within the walls of the fake world I live in, I feel closer to God, thinking about the massive puzzle She has created to keep humans away from Her creations. I won't let that work on me Mother! I know what She wants. She wants us to confuse our paths and seek validation from other humans while She protects her real creations- the World, nature, animals, the humble plants and insects who do nothing but appreciate Her work and seek for no one's validation but Her's. I don't care what fellow humans think about me. As long as She is beside me, knows what I am doing and approves of my path, I don't mind being a victim of a witchhunt, or in 2011, should I say bitchhunt?

Within all the confusion humans create for themselves, look up, She is laughing to herself looking at her pet rats trying to solve the mystery of society and right and wrong. She laughs at how humans define her. "They think a few rituals can make me happy!" she says and laughs. She finds it funny that within all the horcruxes (refer to  http://debolina-randomthoughts.blogspot.com/2008/06/idols-are-horcruxes.html) that humans believe Her soul resides in, She is no where. "My creations are my horcruxes," She says.

I would rather spend my life making myself happy, like She wants than make the humans happy, who are consumed in their own world where confusion is manufactured and funnily, simplicity is considered "different".

Dhoni New Look: Dhoni Bald

Dhoni bald! I have very little words to say about the Dhoni new look. So it's just a lineup of pics that I loved.

Dhoni Bald

Dhoni New Look

Dhoni Bald

Here are a few pics of his previous hair styles. I think Dhoni bald is the best one though.

Dhoni hair

Dhoni hair

Dhoni hair

Dhoni hair

Dhoni hair

Dhoni hair

An answer

Yes we Indians won the Cricket World Cup. But it feels more than that.

My generation is probably the most questioned amongst the lot. And when I say my generation, I mean all of us who have our own personal way of doing things. We believe in going with the moment, working hard because we like to and just living the moment- something that is misinterpreted by most of the other generations. And we react the exact same way the Indian team did- we just do what you have to, the questions get answered when the results show.

Yesterday's world cup win has been iconic for me personally. Eleven men worked their way to make the country's dream come true and inside me a little bulb lit up. There was a thought cloud over my head which got filled with words so quickly that it was hard for me to keep up. All my dreams, aspirations, wants, desires, everything looked achievable.

Friends, who have been around me for the last few years know that I have been mindlessly running away from a dream I created when I was growing up. When everyone around me was giving exams and trying to get good scores to make it big in life, I found peace and freedom in the gym, where drops of sweat meant the world to me. My body was my temple and becoming a trainer, a dream. I threw it all away because I tried to please people who's thoughts mattered (and still do).

But it's time I should wake up and realise that I need to do what I have to do. A world cup win inspiring me to do what I want to do- I can't help if it sounds too far fetched. And considering an obese, acne ridden woman writing this post, it's a lot of hard work to do. I have 4 years to fetch my dream. I'll come back to the post again.

Wish me luck.

Women's day thoughts

Today is women's day and it has got me thinking. We all talk about gender equality and equal rights and freedom to live and all that. But how much of it do we actually want. I know enough women who are just happy that their men take all the decision. The fact that decision making comes with responsibility makes it easier for them to just let go of it.

Decision making

If women really want freedom and the equal rights and priviledges (which by the way I already think we have), we need  to start taking decisions on our own too without asking the men around us.

Reservation

I am absolutely against reservation of any kind- gender, caste, class or anything in fact. If people want equal rights, they need to fight out bare handed like everyone else. Reservation is telling people that you are weak and need extra help.

Putting our foot down

Want to be taken seriously. Say that in words. People who think you are the weaker gender will always think your words are results of immature thinking. Say it as clearly as, "I am not kidding. Start taking me seriously." May be it won't work in the beginning but if you have the conviction to translate your words into action, some of your words might make it through.

Financial independence

As long as you are asking money from someone, you will always be answerable. Personally, keeping my bank accounts for myself has helped me a lot. I don't need to answer questions like, "Why do you need to spend so much?" and "How much did that cost." Your planning is yours alone. Learning from someone who has a stable financial situation helps, but it's not always about saving alone, it's about learning to spend as well (value of money).

Private space

Spending time with your family is a great idea. But there will be a time in your life when you will need a private space and private time. Letting everyone in in your life all the time will reduce your time for yourself. Find time and space for yourself. For single women who live with their parents, keep your room to yourself. Married, at least have a separate account on the computer.

Lastly, chase your dreams

I know it's hypocritical coming from me. But this is a blog where I think aloud and most often than not. I read these things to inspire myself. If you follow your dreams and just keep fighting for it till the end, one day all the bullies will have to shut up. Being a woman doesn't mean marriage and having children alone. Different women want different lives. Like I picturise myself travelling the world without looking back and wondering what's happening with my kids.

If you are doing something to make someone happy and it's making you unhappy, it won't make the other person happy either. Unless of course they don't care for you and only care for "society".

Live your life your way. Happy women's day!